by Paul Evans
September 1, 2008
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Everyone will NOT like you as a speaker (or as a person for that
matter).
That may be the #1 thing you need to know to get over the fear of
public speaking, or to not let unwarranted negative feedback bother
you.
Most public speakers allow the minority to cripple them with fear.
They worry about the one who won't like the speech, or laugh at the
joke, or won't like. You get the idea.
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First, remember the 2/2/96 rule.
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2% will think you are the best ever. 2% will hate you. Shoot for
the 96%.
You do not NEED to be liked by everyone. Everyone does not like
country music, or rap, or classical. But do artist shut down
because some don't like them? Nope. Only when the majority doesn't
like them is there a problem.
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Second, remember the jealousy factor.
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The people who make snide remarks or try to "help" you are usually
jealous.
They want the spotlight and the only way they can feed their pride
is by being negative to you.
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Third, concentrate on the positive comments.
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Forget about the one or two negative comments and focus on the
words that build. We all have a natural inclination to remember the
worst. Focus on the best!
On average 2% will approach you after a speech with some
"constructive" criticism. From experience I can tell you that the
typical speaker takes the criticism to heart. They replay it over
and over. They allow it to defeat them.
You cannot worry about the 2%
Let me give you an example from the last email letter I sent to
you. This may not be a live speech example, but the principle is
the same.
I mentioned that my son was giving a speech and wanted to say
something funny. Then I recommended a resource for others who want
to become funnier.
Many bought Brad's humor package and have been extremely thankful.
Out of thousands of emails sent I got one negative. I reprinted it
here UNEDITED....
"Using your son to try to suck me into buying some other guys
supposed humour, I don't thik that;s funny at all, maybe idiotic is
a better word, you fool, now I', laughing"
I understand WHY it might have bothered this person, but I can't
let that bother me. Why? Two reasons.
First, it's one person. I knew before sending the email that some
would not like it. If you are going to let a handful of people
control you, then get out of public speaking right now.
Second, look at the words used: "idiotic," "fool." "I' laughing."
Here's a lesson for you. Assuming you didn't say or do anything
wrong, remember this: The stronger the language the person uses the
more you should ignore it.
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Lesson 1: You cannot let what someone MIGHT think bother you.
==============================================================
Everyone will not like your speech. No big deal. Don't root your
words in worry or fear. Instead, anchor them in the value you are
going to deliver to the audience. Plan your presentation with the
knowledge that you will be helping listeners.
Spending your time imagining the worse only drains you of the
energy that should go into your presentation. Forget about dreaming
up the worst, dream about the best. Think about the wonderful
comments or congratulations you will receive.
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Lesson 2: You cannot let unsolicited negative feedback bother you.
==================================================================
This is my favorite advice from Alan Weiss on unsolicited feedback.
"Here's another "boundary" issue. When speaking for the Washington
DC National Speakers Association Chapter last Saturday, a woman
approached me at break to tell me that, while I was a terrific
speaker, "all professional women in the audience found my remarks
about my wife and daughter demeaning" (I had been kidding that they
were awaiting me in New York spending money on my daughter's bridal
shower). She hadn't taken a poll, of course, so she must have been
channeling all those people otherwise on their feet and applauding.
"She told me not to respond, but to reflect. I told her I wouldn't
reflect but would respond, and that I had had it with the
presumptuousness of people who kept their own box scores of whether
I was positive or negative about women in their own, parochial and
biased view. I told her to go join the pronoun police because I
wasn't interested in anything she had to say.
"I believe, maliciously, she was trying to throw me off balance in
the middle of my presentation. Instead, she energized me because I
was able to tell her immediately that I'd have none of it.
"Unsolicited feedback is ALWAYS for the sender, and ranges from
innocently vacuous to malignantly evil. Don't let the energy
suckers prevail."
Most of us would not be so firm or direct. Most would take the
verbal beating with grace. Alan proves you can be articulate while
refusing to be a punching bag for another's agenda.
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Lesson 3: Remember the Goal.
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The goal is to communicate in a way to help others. We do not (or
should not) speak for applause or accolades. The speaker who craves
acceptance is the same one who is injured by the minority with the
negative comments.
When your goal is to give the listeners the best you have for THEIR
benefit, then feedback isn't important. How the audience takes and
applies the message is what matters.
So do not be afraid of what other people might criticize you for.
Concentrate on helping the audience reach their goals.
Have a GREAT day!
Paul Evans
www.InstantSpeakingSuccess.com
Speak with Content:
www.InstantSpeakingSuccess.com/spk.htm
Speak with Confidence:
www.InstantSpeakingSuccess.com/confidence-system.htm
Speak for Cash:
www.InstantSpeakingSuccess.com/profit.htm
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